… or lack there of.

Now this film has me in a bit of a dilemma, had the film been non stop action, it would have been the perfect popcorn flick. The only problem is, the acting ability of the cast in this piece is literally zero; this merged with awful dialog and cliche upon cliche piled on top, make for a very mixed bag.

We have a young Ninja Assassin raised brutally into a clan of hired killers, having seen the most awful things and lost his potential love at the hands of this family, he turns on them after they insist he takes the life of an innocent.  Problem is, there’s always going to be a potential mark that’s innocent, we’re all innocent in someones eyes and there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like us as much as the next person.

We are all potential marks.  Oh, I’m Wittering.

This young assassin now hunted by his own must intervene in his clans dealings in order to help expose them for what they are.  Hired thugs.

Now as a kid, I played Shinobi, I threw shurikens in a 2D frenzy and dreamed of one day becoming an ninja myself.  Now I find myself writing opinions that some may read and others may not, stuck in a desk job and Pizza causing my belly to get rounder by the day… God I love Pizza.

Ninja Assassin certainly delivers on the action, the opening scene is gore filled, limbs fly off in copious amounts.  It was entertaining but it lacked the finesse of later scenes which could have been extended as some of the better fight sequences seemed to be cut short.

However the problem comes in the form of the talky bits in between the fight scenes.  They’re so poorly delivered and the writers whose names will not be mentioned in this review because of their crimes against dialog.  It’s shameful!!

I felt as though my soul was being sucked out through my penis like an overly large catheter and it hurt like a bitch but then came the sweet relief of more action, however choppy it was at times despite the 18 rating; the violence made the film enjoyable again.

The sweet release of limbs once against flying across the screen set me free but once again the speaking came, this happened far too often and turned an enjoyable action flick into a chore to watch at times.

I’d say go and see it if you like your action but remember, the chit chat in between will make you ANGRY!!

2.5/5 -Enjoyable as the action was, a film needs a story and characters that you care about, if acting ability gets in the way of a characters progression, like a European Agent speaking with a US accent then it’s no longer fun anymore.

The one thing I did leave out above is it felt like a Gorier ELEKTRA a film that should have been the kick ass film of all assassin films that FOX turned into a PG13 love ridden mess.  How I wish this had been Elektra with the same cast and roles rejigged. Then We would have had a 3.5/5 film!

NOW onto the twats who sat in the premier seats in the Printworks Odeon Manchester.  The ads tell you not to play with your phone during the film, so WHY make a call during the biggest action scene the film had to offer? Then go “Yeah I’m watching Ninja Assassin” no you’re fucking not, you’re on the phone and the people around you are trying to watch the fucking film.

Then when you put the phone down, don’t have a conversation about your call, then having the nerve to pretend you’re enjoying the film.  This on top of your constant commentary of the film, if you were not part of the production team for Ninja Assassin then keep your fecking gob shut while the film is playing!!

That is all.